18 October 2017


As Autumn is well and truly in full swing I figured what better way to celebrate than with some beautiful autumnal lip colours! It's been rather a while since I've done anything beauty related and as this was what initially sparked my interest in blogging I thought it was abut time I went back to my roots and my little beauty and make up posts made a come back! 

Rimmel // One-Of-A-Kind

This is a bright creamy berry shade with a finish quite similar to MAC Cremesheens. This is the brightest of the lot with a lot more red than the others. I kind of hate the shape of the lipstick itself, it's one of the flat angled ones and I just find the shape really awkward to work with and I end up screwing it up massively.

Lime Crime Velvetine // Saint

This is a matte liquid lipstick with a beautiful deep mauve colour. It's got a hint of brown so a little bit different to my other very berry shades but I like the was it mixes it up a bit. The staying power of these is brilliant but make sure you apply a lip balm after you take your make up off. Matte lipsticks and cold weather are basically lip hell.

Topshop // Twin

I bought this a couple of years ago and it's been a favourite ever since. It's very glossy and transfers on everything but the shade is just beautiful. It a lovely deep plum colour but it's consistency is more like a heavily pigmented gloss rather than a lipstick. It's also incredibly hydrating which is a massive bonus for Autumnal weather. The only thing I don't like is that it has that annoying slanted tip which I suck at working with.

L-R Revlon Black Cherry, Lime Crime Polly, Lime Crime Saint, MAC Shy Girl, Topshop Twin, Rimmel One of a Kind

MAC // Shy Girl

Bit of a random one compared to the others but I love this shade by MAC. It's very 90s shimmery, orangey, nude which I feel works really well for Autumn on the days you don't feel like wearing a classic berry shade. It reminds me of pumpkins pie! I love the consistency of MAC lipsticks but the scent isn't my favourite. I prefer a lipstick to have no scent and sometimes the classic vanilla scent of MAC lipsticks is a little too sickly. Read my full review on this shade here.

Looking for more pocket friendly alternative to MAC? Check out my Shy Girl dupe here.

Revlon // Black Cherry

This is an absolute favourite of mine for Autumn and Winter. It's the most beautiful deep berry shade with just that bit of a gloss finish. I love Revlon lipsticks, I think they first red I ever owned was Revlon and has a classic bullet tip which makes for easy application. I think this is actually the darkest lipstick I own and I feel it makes me look a bit vampy any time other than Autumn/Winter but I love it all the same.

Lime Crime Velvetine // Polly

I reviewed this one not long ago and it's my new favourite. The consistency of Velvetines is wonderful to work with after you get the hang of working with something so wet. The doe foot applicator is perfect for getting a good shape around your lips without needing a liner. You can read my full review of this shade here.

17 October 2017



// Boiled Egg & Wholemeal Soldiers

This breakfast was requested by Eloise who loves eggs. Lily on the other hand still isn't sure. I've only given her boiled egg a few times so there is time for her to decide she likes them but at the moment they get poked around quite a bit and only minimal bits actually get as far as her mouth. 


// Shredded Hoisin Duck Wrap

I bloody love this stuff. It's not real meat, I've never actually had actual duck so can't comment on it's likeness but it's bloody nice. Lily likes it and even Ben the vegetarian food hater liked it. They also do a shredded chicken version which is nice too! I add all sorts of different flavours to that one like, tikka masala, BBQ, basically any random spices you like. 


// Rainbow Cauliflower Cheese

I picked up some yellow sticker rainbow cauliflower from M&S because I am a sucker for anything rainbow and I have never seen a vegetable as beautiful. I wouldn't say it was particularly a rainbow, they were purple and yellow but it made for a fun dinner. Anything with cheese is a winner in this house, especially with Lily. 

Lily does also have a snack which usually consists of baby crisps, raisins, fresh or dried fruit, yoghurts, that kind of thing although since she's had this cold she's been very picky over everything. She's also cutting 4 teeth so that probably contributes to the fussiness too. I always forget to photograph her snacks, normally because she's hangry haha. I will try and remember next week!

Catch up on last weeks What My Toddler Ate Tuesday post here.

16 October 2017


The main reason I bought this little cat is because it shares the same scent as the discontinued Blackberry Bath Bomb?! I absolutely bloody adored the scent so when I found out about this I was pretty damn excited. Not only that, but it is also cat shaped which makes it an instant winner anyway. Although I felt pretty mean breaking off an ear.

This little cat transforms your bath water into an eerie abyss. Much like my soul. I'd have liked a bit more of sparkle but we can't have it all. I think if you used the entire thing you'd be able to see the shimmer but with the bit I used I couldn't tell.

The scent is amazing, very unisex I'd say with its fruitiness and woodiness in equal measure. I find bubble bars the best value for money in Lush. You can get a good 4 baths out of most bubble bars if you want to be as tight as I am. Or you could chuck the entire thing in but unless you have a huge bath the bubbles are going to overflow like mad! I used an ear and the bubbles were nearly overflowing, I love bubble bars for this reason. So. Many. Bubbles.

As always, the water and bubbles are so creamy and moisturising although I'd buy this for the scent alone. Now they just need to do something with the Space Girl scent *hint hint*.

Have a look at my other Lush reviews here.

15 October 2017


I should have a nearly 3 year old right now and Lily shouldn't exist.

It head fucks me massively to look at it like that but it's true. I obviously love Lily with my whole heart and wouldn't change anything but the thought can't help but creep into my head at the lonely hour of 2am.

They shared the same due date. Exactly a year apart, so technically speaking they could both have existed but in reality I wouldn't have even thought of getting pregnant again that quickly. I even found out I was pregnant with them both on the same date, announced it on the same date. Too much to be a coincidence, right? I found that very comforting at the time, I felt like my angel was there. That they made it happen.

I've spent a long time trying to figure out what to say in this post and whether to post it at all. I have left this to the absolute last minute to write because I've been flitting between not posting today at all or just posting a random draft and neither felt right. Today felt like it needed a post that wasn't some random review or Halloween post. Today needed to be about the baby I lost.

Having said that, I feel like whatever I write here won't be good enough. I feel like no words are right. No words are good enough. I feel like nothing I write will come across how I want it to because translations of the heart are difficult at the best of times and I think a lot of us who has lost babies feel the same. The feelings are there but the words don't do them justice.

They say that a person dies twice; once when their heart stops and once when their name is said for the last time. My baby didn't have a name so what does that mean for them? Should I have named them? At the time I had people brushing my loss off as if it was nothing. I was made to feel weak and pathetic for letting it affect me. I never grieved properly because no one else seemed bothered, I couldn't share my grief with anyone because no one else seemed to care. I was offered no kind of grief counselling despite having a breakdown to the extent it was contemplated late one night whether the best option for me would be to just section myself.

3 years later and I still haven't had any grief counselling despite mentioning how this still affects me to countless mental health care professionals. When I first wrote about loss on my blog I wrote a short paragraph simply stating facts and said:

That was over 3 years ago now and I was so afraid that people would just forget. And they did. I'm the only one who actively remembers, who speaks about them. The grief is still there, not as raw now although certain dates open up the wounds but they're healing now. As time goes on, the grief will tap you gently on the shoulder rather than scream into your ribcage, and wounds will begin to heal but grief is as strong as love and is something that will always be a part of you. 

No matter what we do, there will always be a hole where the babies we lost should be.

I bought myself a birthstone ring in secret before the miscarriage ended completely. I still don't wear it. I'm too afraid of losing that too. It sounds so stupid written down but I couldn't bear losing the only thing I feel connects me to when I was carrying my baby.

Over the past few years I've found ways to help me cope. I ended up painting my tiny bump photo with my battered old watercolours and framing it on my wall, it now hangs pride of place in my living room.

I have done these paintings for other people too. I think sometimes it helps when pregnancy tests and blurry bump photos are all you've got to remember your baby. I don't charge for these, I just stumble across women and offer. If you have lost a baby and would like me to paint an illustration of your bump or pregnancy test, please get in touch. 

I find I also crochet hats for neonatal units and volunteer for the Octopus For A Preemie project although I've not been able to donate much lately because my wrist has been buggered.

I find doing things like this has helped me deal with the grief a little and I feel as if I'm doing something, I'm doing it in the memory of my angel whilst helping others.

Every year on 15th October, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, I light a candle in memory of my angels as part of the Wave Of Light

The Wave Of Light is where people, all over the world, light a candle at 7pm their time for one hour which creates a full day of flickering lights over the entire world. These lights may be small, but they are there. Just like our babies.

"A person is a person, no matter how small"
- Dr Seuss

I'm going to share some links:

// A blog post by Laura from Five Little Doves about the perfect moments who shares a collection of moments of joy amongst the sadness of baby and pregnancy loss - Our Prefect Moments

// A blog post of mine - What Not To Say To Someone Who Has Suffered a Miscarriage 

// If you can crochet or knit and what to get involved in Octopus For A Preemie then click here.

// Another blog post by Laura from Five Little Doves - Why Your Loss Will Never Compare To Mine

// A link to the Birthstone Ring I bought.

// For the One Strong Mother pin click here.

// For the pink and blue ribbon baby loss awareness pin click here.

// I have written about my story on my blog before, going in to quite a lot of detail and have gone on to start my pregnancy after a loss story too.

// SANDS - Stillbirth and neonatal death charity.

// Miscarriage Association

Until we meet again <3
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