22 June 2017


I love a good box and a box that means I don't have to panic buy period supplies is even better! Ms Flow do just that! This is their Trial Box* which is full of awesome.

They're a personalised subscription for that time of the month. You get to choose whether you want pads or tampons, what brand and absorbency level and leave the rest to them. Each month you get a supply of whatever protection you chose which comes sealed in little stripy paper bags (which are recyclable for you green people) along with lots of other goodies to pamper yourself and help prop you up during the hormonal mosh pit that is a period. 

This is their Trial Box, perfect for those who want to "try before they buy" or in this case, subscribe. In this particular box you receive a selection of sanitary products which I think is a brilliant idea. I have been stuck in a rut of buying the same ones each month and never really veering away from my usual brand so I'm looking forward to seeing if anyone these could be my new favourites. I particularly like the look of the Natracare Organic, as you'll probably have noticed by now if you read my blog regularly, I'm a sucker for anything natural. 

The full list of the pads and whathaveyou that you get are:

Always Ultra Sanitary Towels
Bodyform Sanitary Towels
Natracare Organic Sanitary Towels
Natracare Organic Tampons
Tampax Tampons
Tampax Pearl Tampons
Tampax Compak Tampons
Tampax Compak Pearl Tampons
Lil lets Tampons

It would make an absolutely fantastic little gift for somebody who has just started their first period actually as it gives them a wide range of things to try first rather then buy multipacks of everything all at once. 

Each month, along with your essentials, you will be sent a selection of luxury beauty, relaxation and indulgence products to help you through. Brilliant right? In this box I got:


This is a little pot of sleep. It looks like a little pot of vaseline but it smells like lavender so I love it purely because of that. It's a sleep enhancing balm which you are supposed to massage into your temples or any other pulse points and it works its magic. Unfortunately I cannot accurately review this because I have a baby.


Jason has been a brand I've wanted to try for quite a while actually so I was quite pleased with this one. The smell is a bit weird at first, it kind of smells like a dentist but once it's on the your face it goes pretty quickly, once I'd put my make up on I couldn't smell it at all. 

I really loved this sample, I wish it could have been bigger because it's actually started sorting out my epic disaster of a face. Using baby wipes to take make up off and generally slacking majorly in the skincare department for the last couple of years has made my skin suffer. It's dry and a bone and dull as the sky in November and my foundation just clung to the dry patches and looked crap but this has sorted the dryness around my nose and for that I am thankful. 


For the inevitable hormonal break outs. My skin isn't as bad as it used to be spot wise these days although this month my face appears to think it's 15 again. I've been putting this on any spots at night and the swelling has completely gone by the morning. Bloody fabulous this little stick of magic is! It contains Tea Tree and Witch Hazel which are known for their spot killing abilities and it's all round awesome. 


I have a soft spot for tiny separate bags of tea. I've not tried it yet because I hardly get a second to sit down let alone sit down and drink a hot cup of tea haha. 


A nail polish is always a winner. I prefer more pastel colours in the summer but this will be nice for Autumn. 


These got stolen before I even had a chance. They're the sweet baby of Jamie Laing from Made in Chelsea. They used natural ingredients so no e numbers or ingredients you can't pronounce so you can totally eat the entire bag and call it healthy eating. 


This was what I could smell before I opened the box! Bloody hell does this smell lovely, very spa like. I love a good candle so this was always going to be a winner in my books. Great for having a relaxing bubble bath with a nice cold glass of something.


These don't really need a review because chocolate is always a winner and because I'm awesome, I saved both of these for each kid. Mum points for me. 

Want one? Awesome! Want 20% off? Even more awesome! The wonderful people at Ms Flow have given me a code just for you guys for 20% off your first box just enter the promo code: SPECIAL20 when you checkout!

I wish you all a very happy period with no cramps and a light flow (we can hope right?)

Gee x

* Disclaimer - I was sent this for the purpose of review.

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21 June 2017


If you follow me on twitter you'll know that lately I've had some issues with bullies online and have spent that last week or so trying to keep my head above water and not relapse again. I try damned hard to be as transparent as I can be online, especially with my mental health problems in the past and also the present. I talk about the shitty days as well as the good and voice my struggles without the sugar coated rainbow sprinkles so I (hope) can help other Mums, women, people in general see that they are not alone and that really, no one has their shit together, some people are just better at coating themselves with a thick layer of bullshit. Unfortunately, there will always be the bullies that see that as a weakness and attack you for it and sadly, this is what I have experienced lately.

This blog post isn't going to be about the shit I've had flung at me by Internet dickheads but about self care and how to get rid of the smell of their colossal farts of negativity.

1. Distance yourself from any and all negative farts. Block, unfollow, delete, leave, throw their number in the ocean, quit your job if you have to, whatever. I felt like I couldn't do this for an awfully long time because I was afraid of offending people but you know what? Fuck them.You do not owe anything to people who thrive from affecting others mental health. Do what you gotta do and don't feel bad about it. Family members, facebookers, friends, bloggers, exes, Internet dickheads; you owe nothing to any one them if they are hurting your health.

2. Search through a fuck tonne of quotes, memes, anything positive or enlightening. Even cat videos (always cat videos). Whenever I feel crappy I always do this and it has a pretty high success rate in boosting my mood even if just for a short while. Here are a few of my favourite quotes that are helping me get through current shit:

"The common mistake that bullies make is assuming that because someone is nice that he or she is weak. Those traits have nothing to do with each other. In fact, it takes considerable strength and character to be a good person." - Mary Williams

"Don't forget that you're human. It's okay to have a melt down. Just don't unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where you are headed"

"An adult bully tries to avoid responsibility for their own bad behaviour by blaming the target for causing it." - facebook.com/antibullyingresources

"If someone treats you like shit, just remember that there is something wrong with them, not you. Normal people don't go around destroying other human beings"

3. Have a bath with all the bath bombs and bubble bars, light all the expensive candles you've been "saving for special occasions" because life is a special occasion. Slather your hair in a mask and use all of your beauty products ever. Shave your legs with actual shaving gel for once, shave a heart into your pubes! Exfoliate every inch of yourself and moisturise every majestic curve of your badass body. Go all out with the pampering because you fucking deserve to be pampered like the mother fucking royalty you are.

4. Listen to your body. It's easy to forget about our physical needs when our minds are hurting but it is so importantt to keep hydrated and energy levels stable. When I'm feeling shitty the last thing I want to do is eat and I end up paying for it with a hypo later on. If you cant remind yourself, ask someone else to remind you or set alarms on your phone. I have a habit of trying to do everything at once to try and fend off panic attacks and other intrusive thoughts and for the most part it helps but it causes me to neglect my physical self because sometimes its difficult to know know when to stop.

I have always been told by doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, counsellors, etc (I still don't know the different between all of them) that panic causes adrenaline surges and if that adrenaline is left there it makes us feel more anxious and irritable and so the cycle continues. The best cause of action is to be active. This is hard if you have a chronic illness, like me, because while being physical reduces the adrenaline in your system it also increases pain levels.

I suffer with severe anxiety to the extent that having panic attacks on loop every day wouldn't be strange for me. I have adrenaline surges with most thoughts I have and it is fucking exhausting alone and I feel like I would need to be running a marathon constantly to work off all of the adrenaline my body produces most of the time but even something simple like punching a pillow will dispel some of it and every little helps right?

5. Don't stop doing what you love. Bullies love to isolate people, they will try to follow you everywhere they can and try and intimidate you, insult you, and generally try their absolute best to push you out of whatever they are jealous of. It's easy to fall into the trap of giving up. I have two words of advice when dealing with people this and that is: "fuck them". Fuck them side ways, front ways, from above and below because they don't know how to function without making at least one persons life miserable and that's a pretty shitty way to live. I know that's easier said than done when you feel like every turn you make they're there waiting to kick you square in the nuts but just remember, "anybody trying to drag you down, is already below you". Plus, they will get bored eventually and move on to some other poor bastard.

6. Allow yourself time to heal. This one is probably one of the most important. More often than not we feel pressured into not letting people see something is affecting us and we bottle it all up only for it to come out all at once at a later date. Allow yourself to feel the emotions, allow yourself to validate what you have been through and how it has affected you. Allow yourself to feel and know that it is okay to have emotions. You are not weak for feeling or admitting that you HAVE suffered by the hands of another.

7. Laugh! Laugh at the negative farts and the breath from your laughter with blow them away with any luck.

8. Know that you are not alone and know that if you ever find yourself feeling like you are, there will always be somebody waiting to lend an ear. My inbox is always, always open.


"Don't do that. Don't tell me I'm not trying to swim through 12 oceans and drowned in every single one of them. But each time the water seeped into my lungs and the fishes started swimming in my bloodstream, I spat it all up and continued swimming. I am not a life raft. I will not pop in the middle of the ocean. I am a fucking ship and I promise you I will make it to shore ALIVE." 
-My quote wall, originally from Tumblr

Gee x

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19 June 2017


I normally use Method products to clean the house these days but they are normally very highly scented and quite "soapy" so I have been avoiding them on the highchair as I feel the soapiness may transfer to the food. I ordered this from Ocado on a whim because I'm a sucker for trying things I've never seen before and I liked that it was specifically aimed at baby things.

The bottle was quite a bit smaller than I anticipated which I'm secretly thankful for as it fits better under my sink (I'm a cleaning product hoarder). Despite this it appears to have lasted longer than the one I normally use on the highchair which is a bonus. It contains no alcohol, solvents, preserving agents or allergens and is made from naturally derived ingredients which I like, it makes me feel less worried about using it on things that are going to come into contact with mouths and food surfaces. 

What I particularly like about this is that it have 2 different spray options. There is a little flap over the nozzle which you can flip up for regular spraying or down for a foam which I find much easier to clean the highchair with. It also doesn't have that horrible chemical smell to it which is a much welcomed change for me.

I bought it on offer for £1.99 but it's regular price is £3.99 so quite a bit more pricey than other brands but I feel the kinder ingredients make up for that.

What's your favourite anti-bac spray?

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17 June 2017


I've decided to write Lily's pregnancy story in a sort of series because otherwise it will more than likely be ridiculously long. I had wanted to do weekly updates when I was actually pregnant with her but life and other shit just got in the way.

In May 2015 I found out I was pregnant with Lily. What is even more amazing, is that I got those 2 pink lines exactly a year ago, to the date, with my Angel Baby. Pure coincidence? Or was this planned for me? Who knows, but it felt as though my Angel had chosen this little bean to send to me which sounds silly when I write it down but it helped. 

I had been feeling a bit shit and really tired so I honestly just took the test to rule pregnancy out. We had been careful and in my mind there was no way I could be pregnant. Turns out I was super wrong but also incredibly happy. I smiled as soon as I saw the two lines. Knowing what date it was I just felt that this was meant to be. 

After the initial shock of things had calmed down was when the anxiety came out. From this point on, I was absolutely terrified of losing this baby and honestly believe that it was all too good to be true and that my body was going to fail me again. I couldn't be happy because I felt like the second I let go of my anxieties and let myself get excited, even for a second, that it would be then that my baby would be taken from me again before they even had a chance. I remember reading everything there was about pregnancy, when the risk of miscarriage reduces, counting down the days to 6 weeks when the first drop happens and the baby's heart starts beating. Praying that the beat didn't stop this time. 

We told Ben's family first as I was anxious about telling mine after what happened last time. Eloise ended up letting slip to my sister and then my Mum who ended up taking it better that I had first thought. Then came the public social media announcement which happened on the same day as I had announced my Angel because I felt like that was the right time. I didn't want to wait until 12 weeks because regardless of what was to happen, I wanted my baby to be remembered. I also felt like doing it on the same date would reduce the chances of losing the baby because the odds of everything happening on the same dates was slim right? 

I started bleeding at 6 weeks. Exactly the same as last time; The same heavy feeling. The same blood loss. How could my body be doing this to me again? Pretty much down to the date? How was this fair? I still hadn't forgiven my body for last time and I had only just began to drag myself out of the dark there was no way I could cope with this happening again. 

I rang the doctors who said I needed to come in. I remember sitting there, the terror bone deep, waiting for my name to be called. I went in alone, leaving Ben in the waiting room and explained to the doctor what was happening. She echoed the same words the EPU lady had a year ago "it will either progress or it won't". She had me lay down on the bed and checked me over to rule out anything serious and told me to come back if I started bleeding more or experienced any pain and off I went. I asked to be referred for a scan but she said there was little they could do at the stage (I was later told that she should have sent me for an emergency scan considering my history). I wanted her to tell me everything was fine and I was being stupid worrying so much but she didn't and I left feeling even worse than I did before, convinced this was the beginning of the end all over again. 

This is when my pregnancy test game went up, I must have been testing 4+ times a day. I became completely obsessed with pink lines and pissing on sticks. I kept trying to tell myself what I was told last time, that the colour of the line on a test is not instinctive of a healthy pregnancy but it didn't matter. I think I took multiple tests every single day for over a month and would have continued longer if I hadn't left them were I couldn't get to them. It was so unhealthy the amount I was stressing over the colour of a line. It was all I could think about for the first few weeks of knowing. I'd get up at ridiculous o'clock and take a test, it was my first thought when I woke up, even during the night if I happened to wake up I would want to test "just in case" and every time I saw the line, still there, still just as dark, I relaxed for a few minutes. Literally a few minutes, then the anxiety would build and build and build. It was like I was addicted to taking pregnancy tests. The bleeding stopped after a few days, going from bright red streaks to brown to nothing.

It was around now I started to get the nausea, a lot earlier than I did with Eloise, along side my already painful boobs, I'd wake up and instantly feel just a little bit sick. If I woke up and didn't feel sick I would panic, or if my boobs hurt a bit less. I was forever analysing my symptoms and if anything became less apparent, my mind would spiral downwards and I would convince myself of the worst possible scenario, over and over again and that's very much how my entire pregnancy was spent. I was absolutely overjoyed with being pregnant, I loved everything about it but at the same time I was terrified of anything bad happening. So much so that I don't think I ever actually got to enjoy it. 

Midway through the first trimester I moved out of my Mums place for a second time and in with Ben and his family as tensions were quite high at home and after a particularly stressful day Ben basically helped me pack some shit and took me and Eloise home with him. That decision ended up being a complete disaster but more about that later. 

After moving house, I also moved doctors. I was about 8 or 9 weeks now and because I was a new patient I had to wait 2 weeks for a check up before I could see a midwife. The doctor was surprised at how my old surgery dealt with my earlier bleed, especially given my history of pregnancy loss and she booked me in for an emergency scan in the early pregnancy unit. I was so relieved that someone finally listened to my concerns! 

The scan date came round and I was terrified. I was completely convinced they wouldn't be able to find a heart beat and I felt so sick with anxiety. If you've ever been to the EPU you will know how truly awful it is sitting in the waiting area knowing that all these ladies are here because they are equally as terrified as you, and some will be told their babies have passed away. 

During the scan there were two sonographers, one doing the scan and the other as a second opinion. As soon as they put the probe on my tiny bump and I say the tiny little bean that was to become my Lily there, bouncing away I finally relaxed a bit. I remember her saying "there's your little jellybean" which became Lily's in utero nickname. I even call her Lily Bean so much I'm sure shes convinced that's her real name. After that they didn't say an awful lot and that alone made my brief relaxation completely disappear. I was even more convinced there was something wrong. They printed off a photograph that I was to pick up from reception after the appointment had ended because waving a scan photo around in front on parents that could have just lost their babies would be just awful.

After the scan the sent me to a different waiting area to see the consultant who was just reviewing the scan findings. I was called in what felt like hours later, to be told that everything looked okay with the baby but I had a Subchorionic Heamatoma on a section of my placenta. This basically means that when my placenta began to form a small section came away and caused a pocket of blood to form underneath as the placenta grew over and around it. They told me that this was the most likely reason for my bleed and that it will either be reabsorbed by my body or it will make its way towards my cervix and come out with more bleeding. I was booked in for another scan and they explained that they would reassess the heamatoma then in the hope my body will absorb it without any issue but I was also told that if it isn't absorbed that it is likely to get bigger as my placenta grows and it could could increase my risk of miscarriage, placental abruption and pre term labour. Not what I wanted to hear at all. My mind spiralled downwards and whilst I was glad to have found the reason for the bleed I was also distraught at the thought of losing another baby. Why was my body doing this? Why couldn't it just do it's job properly? The thought of losing another pregnancy wasn't fathomable to me. It couldn't happen. Not again. 

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