15 August 2017

WHAT MY TODDLER ATE TUESDAY [15/08/2017]



BREAKFAST


// Sugar Waffle w/ Coconut Yogurt and Berries

Massive hit with everyone except Eloise who picked the fruit off and left the rest because for some reason she thought I had put it on a bloody potato waffle....
Coconut yogurt is my new favourite thing and Lily ate 80% of this so massive winner! The fruit and yogurt totally cancel out the sugar in the waffle right? Cool.



LUNCH


//Cheese Sandwiches
//Ella's Kitchen Cheese + Tomato Melty Hoops
//Fromage Frais
//Fruit Bowl Mango Flakes

Lily loves these little Melty Hoops and they have been a favourite for a while now. She also loves the mango flakes, they're 1 of your 5 a day so she tends to have them as a snack or a pudding quite a lot.


DINNER


// Sweet Potato & Spinach Patties 
// Homemade Garlic and Herb Wedges

These patties were a doddle to make and Lily loved them! Absolutely perfect for weaning too, definitely a recipe I'm going to keep for future babies too! She also had some garlic and herb wedges but I forgot to take a photo of them somehow. 

To make the patties all you need to do is:

  1.  Cook the sweet potatoes and spinach
  2. Mash the potatoes and mix with the spinach
  3. Take a spoonful or so of the mixture and make into a patty shape
  4. Fry the patties until they are beginning to go golden (I used a drop of coconut oil spray to fry mine in but if you have a good pan you may not need to)
  5. Leave them to cool slightly before serving and voila!

The recipe for the patties was kindly given to me by Little Olive Wonders over on Instagram! She posts beautiful photographs of her daughters meals and she has some absolutely brilliant ideas so head over for some top class weaning inspiration!

Find last weeks W.M.T.A.T here.




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14 August 2017

MEAT FREE MONDAY // SPINACH & FETA PUFF PASTRY TART



This Spinach and Feta Puff Pasty Tart has been a firm favourite in my family for years. I think my Grandma was the first to make it as part of a Christmas dinner and it quickly became a favourite and highly requested childhood family meal (which is also super easy so huge bonus there).








// Puff Pastry (I used to ready rolled boxes you find in supermarkets)
// Spinach (fresh or frozen work just as well)
// Feta Cheese
// Grated Cheddar or Gruyere Cheese










  1. Take the pastry out of the fridge and un roll onto a baking sheet
  2. Cook and spinach and turn the oven on to pre heat at 180 degrees
  3. Prick the pastry with a fork and drain the spinach.
  4. Spread the spinach evenly onto the pastry 
  5. Crumble the Feta on on top of the spinach and top with the grated cheese
  6. Cook for 15-20 minutes or until pastry is golden and cooked through

Kid friendly, even Eloise who is a fussy eater x1000, likes it and Lily had it as soon as she was weaning although I didn't give her too much of the feta as it's a little salty. I normally serve with boiled or roast potatoes or go all out and chuck on some stuffing, mash, roast parsnips, basically all the trimmings and then a shit load of gravy.




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13 August 2017

MONTHLY FAVOURITES // JULY 2017


KIT AND KIN NAPPIES


These are probably the cutest disposable nappies ever, I mean, who doesn't want a fox bum? They're super eco friendly taking a minuscule fraction of the time it takes a bog standard nappy to biodegrade! Review here.


LUSH MASK OF MAGNAMINTY


I normally get Catastrophe Cosmetic but I never use it up in time! I had never really considered getting this because I'm not a big fan of mint but I wish I had because it's bloody amazing! Just the right about of scrub to it and the scent really opens up your sinuses which I definitely need with all the plant sperm making my hay fever unbearable!





WILDE LIKE ME - LOUISE PENTLAND


I have watches Louise's videos for years now and I've always loved how honest and lovely she is! I bought this book as a school run read so I've not read much since the summer holidays have started but it's fantastic so far!


STARDROPS THE PINK STUFF


Cost me about a quid and it's literally the best cleaning stuff ever. I use it on my draining board and sink to buff out the scratches a bit and damn does it sparkle. You know you're a proper adult when cleaning products excite you. It's also pink. 


JOJO MAMAN BEBE WATERPROOF


With the summer holidays well and truly settled in, cabin fever has begun and good old British weather has failed us and so far we have had ran, rain, wind , rain and wind, and more rain. This waterproof folds up to the perfect size to dump in the bottom of a changing bag and whip out during impromptu park trips where the heavens decide to open. Plus Lily looks bloody adorable in it!


KOPPARBERG STRAWBERRY AND LIME CIDER


I saw this on offer in Waitrose the other week and got Ben a bottle so I could try it. I can confirm that it is amazing. They also do an alcohol free one for any pregnant ladies out there making it totally acceptable to neck a bottle at 10am. They also have an elderflower one which tastes a bit like wine though and a blueberry one which was a bit "eh" but I'm not keen on blueberries anyway.



URBAN VEDA TUMERIC + BOTANICS RADIANCE BODY SCRUB


I got this in the July Pink Parcel and it's the best exfoliating body scrub I've tried in a while! I used to swear by the No7 Body Polish and have done since like 2009 but this has overtaken that in terms of everything. It's got a good amount of exfoliating power to it which I like in a body scrub and the scent is amazing, very spa like.



SONGS:


(Un) Lost - The Maine



  "The world is ours but for a flash

  And you are not allowed to be anybody else

  Control what you can

  Confront what you can't

  And always remember how lucky you are to have yourself"



TV SHOWS:

Jane The Virgin! It's on Netflix and if you haven't watched then totally go and watch it I am HOOKED! 



BLOGS:

I couldn't choose just one so here are my favourites for this month: 

From, Rachael Claire

Mummy & Liss

Annie Writes Beauty

Fizzy Peaches

and about a billion others to be honest.


QUOTE:



"What matters most is how well you walk through the fire" 
-Charles Bukowski




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10 August 2017

WILL I EVER LOVE MY MUM TUM?


This isn't going to be a post gushing about how I've mastered feeling positive about my body 100% of the time and how it doesn't bother me that most of my clothes don't fit and that I still can't get my pre pregnancy jeans over my arse because if I said none of that makes me feel shit I would be lying.

I am currently sit here writing this wearing the most unflattering shiny Adventure Time leggings that do absolutely nothing for my figure along with my eye bags that are so big I'm going to have to start charging my face 5p every time I look in the mirror and do you know what? For the first time in a long time I'm not that bothered! I am totally aware I look like dog shit but that's okay, I have a nocturnal baby and I haven't slept in 7 years so of course I'm not looking my best.

What is best anyway? Is it being dolled up to the nines with more make up than Superdrug with a stomach you can use as chopping board or is it embracing yourself and you body (whether that be a chopping board stomach or a jiggly one) for what it is and sticking 2 fingers up at society's definition of "best"? I don't know about you but I think I like the latter more. When I first had Lily I used to look in the mirror and think holy fuck I looked tired but eventually, I just realised that's just what I looked like now. I'm not going to lie and say I love how my body looks.

I've suffered from a glorious array of eating disorders since the age of 8, along with BDD and while the voice is still very much there, it is quieter now and most days the chatter of everyday life is enough to overshadow it to whisper. There are obviously days where that whisper momentarily turns into a deafening shout and while I can hear, I do not act.

After I had my first I went up to about 11 stone (I didn't weigh myself near the end). After I had her I didn't fit into anything and so I bought new jeans and vowed not to give a fuck. Fake it 'til you make it right? For the most part I didn't care, until I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror which wasn't very often as back then I was a single, teenage Mum and I thought I was coping pretty well. Looking back I really wasn't, I would forget to eat, restrict and abused the fact my body loses weight if I eat a lot of sugar.

By the time Eloise was 12 months old I had dropped down to 6st and felt like shit to be honest. I don't feel I cared too much about my weight back then but in hindsight I was probably in denial. I had a serious problem with my relationship with food still. I still couldn't eat in front of people and haven't done so since I was about 8 when I started refusing to eat at school. Ben is actually the first person I've eaten comfortably around and even now, 18 years later, I sometimes have wobbly days.

I think body positivity after eating disorders is more about continuing to fight the disordered thinking and being able to recognise what is and isn't a disordered thought and starting to appreciate and love your body including it's "flaws" rather than truly being 100% happy with how you look. Eating disorders have very little to do with the body, but everything to do with the mind; physically recovering from an eating disorder is like a walk in the park compared to the amount of mental healing it requires.

As for my post baby body, I may have a Mum tum, stretch marks everywhere and a belly button that resembles something between a vagina and an arsehole post anal I'm the most body confident I've ever been. Pregnancy gave me so much confidence when it came to my body and I adored having a bump despite the SPD and other shitty symptoms in general. It helped me eat better and really begin to fight the disordered thoughts I had surrounding food because my love and instinct to protect my unborn baby was stronger than the voices could ever be. Yeh I had my wobbly days still but I finally felt allowed to care about my body. Whilst I will admit that being nearly 2 stone heavier than I was before getting pregnant with Lily still feels strange to me but I'm not in any rush to lose weight or tone up any time soon.

People seem to be under this strange impression that to be able to be body positive you have to be a certain size or a certain weight and basically those people are wrong as wrong gets. Body confidence and body positivity is not restricted by health; health has nothing to do with it and saying that only healthy people can love their bodies is ableist and wrong as hell. We all care about health but whether someone is overweight and body positive or naturally slender and body positive we should celebrate with them because EVERYONE deserves to be able to love and embrace their body shape without being criticised for it. Size 24 or size 4? It doesn't matter. We all deserve to feel allowed to love ourselves.

I don't think my stretch marks or the fact my belly button now resembles a wrinkly old arsehole is beautiful, I don't think my eye bags, my sticky up hair regrowth or the fact even my vagina has a stretch mark on it is beautiful either. I don't need my body to be stereotypically beautiful to feel like I am worthy of loving myself. For me, outer beauty doesn't come into it.

You can look like a literal dog shit and still be a beautiful person because beauty isn't limited to the eyes.

I think being body positive is looking at yourself and not necessarily loving everything you see but embracing that and appreciating your body for what it is, warts and all. 



"I am allowed to look sexy, feel sexy, and be in love. I am worthy of all of those things, and so are you" - Mary Lambert



* Thank you to Zoe @ Mummy & Liss for inspiring me with her body positivity post and just generally being a total babe who is so supportive and amazing. 



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8 August 2017

WHAT MY TODDLER ATE TUESDAY [08/08/18]


Welcome to the official second post of my new "What My Toddler Ate Tuesday" series! I've managed to keep it up for a whole 2 weeks! I'm really enjoying this series, it's making me get my camera out a lot more and be a bit more creative with Lily's meals although not quite to Pinterest Mum standard sadly but eh. 


BREAKFAST



// Orange Juice

The Round Ones are basically like Cherrios but different sizes and without the sugar. They don't really taste like anything to me and Lily wasn't so sure either. I didn't put milk on them because normally she likes her cereal dry but I will give them a go with milk before I give up and resign them to the bin.


LUNCH



Lunch was late because we had a morning at the park and then a quick stop off at Waitrose to grab lunch which ended up being some pain au chocolat and a load of reduced yum yums. Healthy. Lily had:

// 1/2 Pain Au Chocolat
// Cucumber Slices
// Cheddar Cheese Cubes
// Petit Filou Fromage Fais



DINNER



// Quorn 7 Vegetable Cottage Pie (I need a cooler name for it)
// Watermelon Slice

I used sweet potato, leeks and carrots for the topping and added a load of cheese instead of just regular potatoes because, quite simply, Tesco potatoes suck! I bought them a few days before and by the time I came to use them they had sprouted to absolutely buggery. By doing that I had pretty much destroyed all chance of my 7 year old eating it so I thought sod it and went all out with the vegetables inside. The filling had peas, carrots, broccoli and cauliflower too.

The watermelon no one liked despite Eloise begging me to get one for weeks. The other half is still in the fridge and it's been nearly a week. How long does watermelon last for? Haha!

Lily does also have supper but I always forget to photograph that. Usual go to things for are the fruit flakes, baby crisps, rusks, and bananas at the moment because she's cutting her molars and is super fussy later on in the day. She will then have a yoghurt and a breastfeed before going to sleep (at around bloody midnight.)



Catch up on last weeks W.M.T.A.T post here.






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4 August 2017

IS IT OKAY TO SWEAR IN FRONT OF CHILDREN?


After watching the wonderful Harriet from Toby and Roo on Good Morning Britain last week it really got me thinking about the whole swearing around children thing. I mean, it's pretty inevitable that our kids will pick up a swear word or 50 at some point whether that be directly from ourselves or from other people.

Labelling someone a bad parent because they swear? Not cool and probably more offensive than calling someone a twat. I personally think people need to get off their high horses because while 60+ odd percent of people think the answer is no, it's not okay, I'm pretty sure that 97% of those people have sworn around their kids at some point. So come on, feet out the stirrups, reins in one hand and swing your left leg over the saddle. Do make sure you untwist your knickers on the way down.

Eloise let slip a few fucks and bitches when she was around 2 or 3 years old and told her she mustn't EVER say them just as I had been told off for using swear words myself growing up. I told her she must not use words like that ever and she said sorry, we had a cuddle and that was that. Until she did it again and I thought, why am I telling her off? Am I really that disgusted that she repeated a word she's heard? Normally I'm praising her for learning new words so she's probably going to be incredibly confused as to why this particular word is so different. Kids don't know the word cunt from cake, they're all just exciting new words to them so should we be telling our children off for swearing or teaching them to recognise swear words and use them in the correct context? Not forgetting that there are also words that aren't considered swears but are considerably more offensive.

I hold my hands high up in the air and admit that I swear. Whilst saying that, I would also like to point out that in real life I don't have a set goal of fucks to dish out during one conversation or go out of my way to include a shit or a twat in every sentence, but I do swear. A lot. When Eloise was learning to talk I did limit my swearing but of course there were the accidental fucks and shits peppered around. Most of my family swore, as did my friends along with most people these days and it's pretty much inevitable that kids are going to pick them up somewhere, at some point aren't they? I am yet to meet a teenager who had never so much as uttered a swear word before or an adult for that matter. Does that mean I swear in front of my Grandma (who doesn't swear)? No I don't. Do I swear in public around people I don't know who might not swear? No. Do I swear around other peoples kids? No. There is a time and a place for bad language and I think that is more important to realise. It's our responsibility to teach our children to respect other peoples views whilst also taking our own into account. One person may be totally okay with swearing and that's fine, someone else may never swear and that's also fine. But what isn't fine is judging someone based on how many times they've said the word fuck today. There are certain situations swearing is not acceptable in and should we be teaching our children that rather than point blank not to swear EVER EVER EVER.

I'm not really that bothered by swearing, if I heard a child scream fuck in public I wouldn't look at the mother in grave disgust and presume she is the shittest of all shit mothers, we have all been there, in public or not so suck it up and don't be a dick. Would I look the same way if the parent was effing and blinding at the child...Yes. Although we have all probably muttered the odd nobhead under our breaths when our kids are acting up there remains one hell of a difference between swearing in front of children and swearing maliciously at children although you don't need to use swear words to be a dick.

Age is another factor to be considered. Younger children lack the social skills to judge the situations where swearing is not okay and wouldn't think twice about shouting "MUMMY WHERE ARE THE FUCKING GRAPES" in the middle of Tesco which I guess is why I was more cautious about swearing when Eloise was under the age of about 5. She is 7 now despite the fact she is surrounded by a society who swears she doesn't use them and that's definitely not because she doesn't know them. I would hazard a guess and say she knows most popular ones. She quite frequently learns new words either from kids at school or just hearing people around her in general and she will come to me and ask if ____ is a swear word. We have had a few incidences where she has thought a regular word was a swear and I was glad that she is able to come to me and asked rather than spending years thinking something as innocent as "butt" is a swear word.

I have explained to her that these words are adult words and she is quite welcome to use them appropriately when she is a teenager because lets face it, by high school they're doing much worse than throwing the odd fuck, shit and bollocks around. She knows when swearing isn't acceptable she chooses not to use these words based on what I've taught her and she seems perfectly happy and has accepted that swearing is okay for teenagers and adults but not for children. I'm okay with that and if she slipped out a few fucks I wouldn't be that bothered to be honest, they're only words. Saying that, it's not like I would be shouting from the rooftops and celebrating if one of my kids swore.

It's one hell of a difficult one really, I mean, I would much rather be called a fucking twat headed cockwomble than a big smelly ugly cow. The latter aren't considered swear words yet to me at least, they are far more hurtful and I would be considerably more upset if Eloise said that to someone than if she told them to fuck off. I've been bullied before and I think for the most part, the worst thing's I've been called don't include swear words at all. Swear words can obviously be used offensively and I think that is very important to differentiate between simply using a swear word and using a swear word offensively. You can be a rude asshole and not have so much as uttered a "bitch" in your lifetime.

What do you think? Do you think it's okay to swear in front of children?




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3 August 2017

REVIEW // KIDDYLICIOUS STRAWBERRY WAFERS


These Strawberry Wafers are another new offering from Kiddylicious, I posted a review about their other new product, the Mini Coconut Rolls a little while ago! Much like the other snacks Lily has tried from Kiddylicious, these were a big hit!

We have tried all of the flavours now and these ones are way up there with the blueberry ones which are her ultimate favourite. They are absolutely fantastic for weaning as they melt in the mouth, the shape is super easy for teeny tiny hands to keep hold of and she loves them still at 18 months old.

They're also gluten and dairy free opening up snack possibilities for babies with these allergies and they also have no added artificial rubbish so a triple win there. One thing I really like about these is that you can actually see the strawberry seeds in them which proves they use actual strawberries rather than just flavourings which is always good to know.

They come in little individual packs of 2 which make for fantastic distracters to give you 5 minutes to actually sit down and drink your microwaved coffee whilst they gum them to death.

They cost £2.20 for a pack of 10.


Lily with a load of wafers she won back in March!




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2 August 2017

REVIEW // PINK PARCEL JULY 2017



Pink Parcel are a monthly period subscription box which not only send you awesome treats and beauty products every month, it also allows you to customise the protection you get too (pads, tampons or a combo of both). I've been getting these boxes for a while now and I really bloody love them. I love the surprise element and also that I never have to go out and buy pads myself anymore. I have been subscribed to quite a lot of beauty boxes over the past 6 years and this is probably the best subscription box I've ever had. There is yet to be a box that I haven't been excited about which is saying something! So far I have loved every box!



CHIRP BODY SOFTNESS HAIR MASK SAMPLE

I love a good hair mask and this looks like it's going to be amazing. It feels lovely and thick in the packet so I have high hopes!

HOOGLY CHILL OUT MINT HERBAL TEA SAMPLE

If you've read my Pink Parcel reviews before you'll know I love me a cute little tea in a packet. I could do with some chill out tea right about now! I'm not a huge fan of mint but if it's going to chill me out I'm willing to give it a shot.

JOE & SEPH'S COCONUT AND CHIA POPCORN SAMPLE

This looks amazing! I had a quick nose at their website and they do all sorts of flavours - Orange Chocolate, Marmite, Gingerbread, Strawberry Cheesecake and LOADS of other awesome and strange concoctions.

POM FRIENDSHIP BRACELET FULL SIZE

I love these types of bracelet, me and Eloise have matching friendship bracelets because we are that awesome. I'm 99% sure that she will steal this from me at some point.

URBAN VEDA BODY SCRUB SAMPLE

My new favourite thing, this has just the right about of scrub for me and it smells like a spa in a bottle. I love everything about it!

NIP + FAB CLEANSING PADS SAMPLE

Nip + Fab are a brand that have always been high up in the beauty blogsphere so I'm excited to try these! They contain glycolic acid which is meant to boost radiance and my tired ass Mombie skin needs as much help as it can get!

SKIN LOUNGE DEEP HYDRATING FACE MASK FULL SIZE

Everyone loves a good face mask! This was quite difficult to get it positioned right and I was actually slightly terrified of my own face when I put it on but it was nice to have a chance to use a bloody face mask for once! It was quite oily but the nice kind of oily which didn't make my hair greasy or leave my pores clogged to buggery. It didn't erase the effects of 7 years of lack of sleep but it left my skin feeling super soft.

MONTY BOJANGLES TRUFFLES SAMPLE

Who doesn't like chocolate right? Do I even need to review this? Instant win.

EMILY VICTORIA TEA LIGHT FULL SIZE 

I got the coconut scent which I am incredibly pleased about because I bloody love coconut. This little tea light is in a tiny little jar and basically everything I could ever want in a tiny candle.

I love getting hair and face masks in these because it gives me an excuse to actually have some "me" time. I know what I'm doing tonight!

Find my other Pink Parcel reviews here.




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MENTAL ILLNESSES ARE NOT F***ING ADJECTIVES



** Trigger warning: This post mentions many mental illnesses and some may find certain things discussed triggering **


Generalised Anxiety Disorder
Clinical Depression
Panic Disorder
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
School Refusal Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder
Self Harm
Emetophobia
Eating Disorders
Post Natal Depression
Pre Natal Anxiety
Agoraphobia

The above list is just a bunch of words, right? Wrong. I suffer/have suffered with my fair share of mental illnesses throughout my life and I've had my fair share of ignorance when it comes to them.

One thing I cannot f*cking stand is when people use mental illnesses as adjectives. They're a f*cking serious illness, not something to be used as a bloody sentence enhancer. Those people are the worst kinds of people and the worst part about it is that I genuinely think people don't understand just how offensive this is. I don't know if it's just the massive stigma and lack of education about mental health issues as a whole, or just plain disregard for other peoples feelings.

"I tidied my whole house and spent ages polishing my mirror, OMGZ, so OCD"

-NO

"I went on an unhealthy diet once, totally had an eating disorder"

-Not necessarily

"Celebrity Big Brother just finished, I'm so depressed"

-NO

"I almost had a panic attack when I met *insert celebrity's name here*"

-NO

"All the Krispy Kreme doughnuts in Tesco have fingerprints all over them again, I want to die"

-NO

There is a f*cking unfathomable difference between these statements and actually suffering from these illnesses and using them purely to fill out your sentences is so damaging. The stigma surrounding mental health is already ridiculous and a constant uphill battle (which you would know, if you actually had the shit you're belittling), so can we stop? Please stop. Lets stop.


Let me sum this up -

If you're feeling nervous about something, that does not automatically mean you have an anxiety disorder.

If you're feeling a bit down in the dumps, that doesn't necessarily mean you have depression.

If you pride yourself in having a spotless home and spend ages polishing your collection of cat figurines, again, doesn't mean you have OCD or any other mental illness.

 If you think you have a mental illness then go and see a f*cking doctor. Unless you've been diagnosed and are using them in the correct context, please don't throw the words around like they are f*cking adjectives because trivialising illnesses that cause immense suffering is pretty shit, don't you agree? The way people drop these mental illnesses into everyday conversation is wrong.

I'm going to take this opportunity to explain just a little bit about what having a few of the above illness is really like, in the hope that those currently word dropping might think twice.

PANIC DISORDER

Most people, at some point in their life will experience a panic attack, maybe even a handful of times and will part from the experience with no further implications and without having an underlying mental health problem. They'll have one or two and that'll be it. It will be horrible but will be isolated and won't carry on affecting your life once the initial shock of experiencing one is over.

Panic Disorder is a whole different kettle of shit covered fish. It is when these panic attacks become regular, at my worst, I was experiencing panic attack after panic attack all day, every day. They consume your entire being and completely exhaust and destroy every shred of light left inside you.

You start having panic attacks about the thought of having panic attacks, you cant leave your house because you're panicking about panicking, will people notice? What if I have a panic attack in the car? What will they think? What if I pass out? Is the door push or pull? Is it left or right? First floor or ground floor? Is my clock right? What happens if I have a panic attack? What if my phone dies? What if I need the toilet when I'm out. Which was it again? Right or left? What if the battery pack I brought with me dies? Will I have to pay for anything? What if I forget my PIN? Will the guy serving me get annoyed at me? What if I lose my card? What happens if it's declined? Everyone will stare. What happens if I have a panic attack? What if it gets stolen? What if I panic so much I start dry heaving? What will people think? What if my phone connection goes down? What if the mast providing service to the town I will be in falls down and the reception goes completely? What if no one knows where I am? What happens if I have a panic attack? What if a car crashes into me and I will never see my kids again? What happens if my kids are with me when the car crashes into me? What if there's a storm and lightening hits one of them? What if I have a panic attack? All that spinning through your head in 5 second flat. Not an exaggeration.

"OMG you made me jump I almost had a panic attack"

NO YOU F*CKING DIDN'T. 

A panic attack is literally feeling the surge of adrenaline as it rips it's way through your entire body. It's stabbing chest pain so painful you're convinced you're going to die, it's heart palpitations strong enough to leave you struggling to breathe. It's sweat saturating your entire body. It's feeling like you are being smothered by your own ribcage and hyperventilating so much you nearly choke on your own vomit. It's feeling unbearably hot. It's feeling unbearably cold. It's being so dizzy you can't stay upright let alone walk. It's tunnel vision. It's tingling body parts. It's every single little noise amplified to an unbearable level that you can literally feel the sound waves tearing apart your ear drums. It's stumbling to the bathroom before you shit yourself. It's digging your nails so deep into your arms and not noticing the blood pouring down your arm. Panic disorder is that. Over and over and over and over and over again.

It's not feeling nervous, shy, worried, scared it's feeling f*cking terrified. Terrified of getting on that plane to go on holiday, terrified of walking into a crowded shopping centre, terrified of having to pay for something, Terrified of being alone, terrified of walking out your f*cking front door. It's not being able to do anything your heart wants to because your mind wont let you.

DEPRESSION

"aww man, I just watched the last episode of Love Island, I'm so depressed"

-NO YOU'RE F*CKING NOT.

Depression isn't the same as feeling disappointed, down, low, unhappy, sad, upset. Depression is a debilitating illness that f*cking kills people. All these words can be used to describe a depressive episode but on their own they are not depression.

Being depressed is not showering in f*ck knows how long because the thought of moving is too much to bear. It's not brushing your teeth for weeks on end. It's not changing your underwear or brushing your hair. It's having every drop of colour squeezed out of your entire world.


EATING DISORDERS

"I chose to go on a crazy fad celebrity diet to lose weight, it was basically an eating disorder.
Borderline ED. Semi ED. Kind of ED. Nearly and ED. Few lbs off an ED.

-NO IT F*CKING ISN'T.


An eating disorder is not a f*cking diet. You cannot "kind of" have/have had an eating disorder. If you eat cabbage for 2 weeks to lose weight. That is not an eating disorder. It's by no means healthy but you can't temporarily go on a shitty fad diet and call it anorexia. Going a bit overboard on snacks in front of the telly is not Binge Eating. F*ck off. Eating disorders are not f*cking diets. They are serious mental illnesses not a f*cking lifestyle choice. By likening a temporary bullshit diet to an eating disorder is not only utterly ridiculous but it is and insult to the people who have died from this illness. To the people struggling EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

"Karen totally lied and said she has an eating disorder because she's fat"

-SHUT THE F*CK UP.

Karen f*cking does have an eating disorder because guess f*cking what? Eating disorders have pretty much f*ck all to do with the body but they have everything to do with the mind. Weight has nothing to do with it. You can be 30 stone and have an eating disorder just as severe as someone who is 5 stone. Binge eating disorder is also a thing, and no it can't be cured by just "going on a diet" because once again, eating disorders are disorders of the mind, not the body. You can fix a body easily but the disorder will still be there because force feeding a body doesn't cure the mind.


SELF HARM

Self Harm is not a f*cking trend. It's not a craze. It's not attention seeking.

Self harm is having your mind screaming so f*cking loud you can't cope anymore. It's feeling so numb that you would do anything to feel something, anything. Do you know just how much pain somebody needs to be in in order to hurt themselves physically? It's not a f*cking joke. I don't give a flying f*ck what people who have no experience of mental illness yet seem to think they know f*cking everything to say on the matter. ANYONE  harm themselves is hurting.

I have been self harm free for a while now, I'm not sure exactly how long as I relapsed so many times I stopped counting. Despite it being years, I still struggle. Whenever something triggers my anxiety, whenever I relapse with depression, whenever I am so zoned out I cant feel, my mind ALWAYS defaults back to the only coping mechanism I learnt as a child. I'm recovered, but I will always be recovering.

"M&S ran out of avocados, I want to kill myself"

-STFU

Just no. Suicide is no the same as no avocado on toast or any other bullshit pile of crap. Suicide is feeling a billion times worse than you have ever felt before in your entire life times another billion. It's feeling too much pain that is turns into nothing and everything. It's white hot, unbearable pain. 

It f*cking ruins your life okay?

Quotes that say shit like "positivity is a choice" making it sound like a smile cures depression well they can f*ck off too. In fact, they can f*ck off to the furthest side of f*ck and then f*ck off some more. If it were that easy there wouldn't be such a thing as mental illness. I appreciate that in most instances this kind of bullshit is not meant to be as ignorant as it sounds and anyone who has ever suffered will know that all too well but they're still bullshit. Thanks and everything, but no.

Another thing I want to talk about is self diagnosing. Self diagnosing is dangerous, not only for yourself but for other people too.

If you think you've broken your leg, would you just google it think, "oh yes, I've broken my leg" and then not bother going to A&E? I doubt it, because unless you've done a degree along with years of training, you're not qualified enough to diagnose anyone with anything. I don't mean to sound like a dick here but go to the doctor. Treat yourself as you would somebody you love, you wouldn't self diagnose your kids and then brush it under the table would you? So why do it to yourself? You are just as important.

I understand that google is tempting and that sometimes yeh, you can be pretty sure you suffer with x y or z but you may also be wrong. There are many branches of the mental illness tree and you may find that you aren't actually suffering with what Dr Google told you and it may well be something that's similar but also different.

I'm going to use the broken bone theory again here, if you break your leg you can google it and probably get a pretty good idea of what bone you've broken but if you go to see a doctor who x-rays your leg they may find that the bone you thought was broken is fine and actually its the bone next to it that's the problem. Google can help you learn the names of the different bones if your leg but without a professional, you can't be sure which one. You see what I'm saying? By telling people that googling is a way to diagnose something, you're putting them at risk.

Mental illnesses are just as valid and just as serious as physical illnesses. Worst case scenario; you can end up killing someone buy essentially saying it's perfectly okay to diagnose on the Internet. So don't. Support them to go and see their GP. Okay? Okay.

With that being said though, you absolutely don't need a diagnosis letter to validate your suffering. You don't need a diagnosis to have something going on but you do need a diagnosis to receive the right treatment. Dr Google can be helpful, but only once you know what you're dealing with.

If you're reading this as somebody who is struggling I want you to know that you are not alone. You are important. You are loved. You are wanted and needed by this world and everybody who loves you. You may not feel it right now but you are an amazing, wonderful being and I'm so proud of you for getting this far and I'm so, SO glad you are still here.





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REVIEW // KIT & KIN NAPPIES


Can we just stop and admire how adorable these Kit & Kin nappies? I must admit that the designs were what originally attracted me to them, how cute is the little fox?!

As you may know I used cloth nappies with my first baby and always at least try to make eco choices as often as I can when it comes to baby bits and bobs, especially nappies. 

Did you know the average nappy will take about 500 years to biodegrade? That means the nappies we use now will still be around when our great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandchildren are having babies. Pretty worrying isn't it? Kit & Kin nappies are made using sustainable materials and will biodegrade in 3-6 years. Bit of a difference right?

They contain significantly less chemicals than your average nappy which means they're super gentle even for newborn and eczema prone babies.

The design totally makes it for me though, who doesn't want a little lion bum? It's actually a tiger but it definitely looks more like a lion to me. The elasticated stretch panel at the back makes them even more comfortable for baby and also gives them better poonami containing skills.

Downsides are they only go up to size 5  and cost £9.99 a pack which makes them just that little bit more pricey (okay a lot more). I tend to find that a reoccurring thing with eco friendly things but I guess it takes that little bit more care and attention to make products that are kinder to our planet so is it all that much thinking big picture wise? 

What are your thoughts on eco friendly baby products? 





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1 August 2017

WHAT MY TODDLER EATS TUESDAY [01/08/17]


I thought it would be quite an interesting little series to post an insight into what my toddler eats in a day. I'm forever looking for food inspiration in general and loved reading Anna Saccone-Joly's blog and her "What I ate Wednesday's" and it's just something I really love to have a nosey at so I thought I'd throw my own spin on it with "What My Toddler Ate Tuesday", that totally works right?

Lily is currently cutting about 4 teeth, all molars, so she's very picky at the moment but here is what she ate (technically not on a Tuesday but I won't tell if you don't):


BREAKFAST



For breakfast I gave Lily and Eloise a Mini Raspberry Crumble that I accidentally created which they BOTH actually ate! Cue massive shock there! It takes a few minutes and minus the sugar it's super healthy and great for making you feel like you have your shit together first thing in the morning which for me, is a rare occurrence.


LUNCH




// 1/2 Cheese and Onion Roll
// Cucumber sticks
// 1 tbsp of Cottage Cheese
// Tomatoes
// 1/2 Plum

I always get stuck on what to give her for lunch, I find myself trawling Pinterest for ideas but they all seem like too much effort and most of the time I don't have about 6 hours to make both kids lunches into cute crocodiles or bunnies. Lily loves (making a mess) cottage cheese at the moment so she has it quite a bit with her lunches these days. Veggies are mainly for decoration of course because ever since she's been cutting her molars she isn't so fond of anything that is hard to chew unless it's a crisp.


DINNER




// Quorn Spaghetti Bolognese with Onion and Garlic

This went down a treat with Eloise and Lily ate a fair bit but she also smeared it on every piece of white plastic available and we all know what happens to white plastic when it is touched by tomatoes. I did cut the spaghetti up a bit for Lily because she finds it easier to pick up then and it minimises the carnage ever so slightly. 



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