May 10, 2017

Birth Story // My Rainbow Baby

 I’m 15 months late doing this but hey ho. My pregnancy with Lily was a terrifying and stressful one to say the least. Pregnancy after a loss is never easy and I spent the entire time being terrified that I would lose her at any moment. At 6 weeks I had a bleed and honestly thought that was it and I’d lost her but that’s a whole other blog post because if I wrote about my pregnancy story here too we would still be here next week! To cut a long story short though, I was considered ‘high risk’ and my pregnancy was consultant led due to Lily measuring incredibly small for her gestation and I was in hospital more than I wasn’t (or at least it felt that way!). After having steroid injections and weekly scans things eventually started to look up and I was booked for an induction at 38+2 weeks.
I set my alarm for 6am even though I barely slept anyway. My Mum came to pick up Eloise as we were living at Ben’s Dad’s house at the time. I remember feeling like someone had torn my heart out at that moment. This was real. I had never left Eloise overnight really, the first time was when I went into hospital with increased movements a month or so prior to baby day so I really wasn’t well adjusted to the idea. Plus I had absolutely convinced myself that i would die during the birth and never see her again. It was an awful, gut wrenching, heart crushing feeling.
We arrived at the hospital and after climbing what felt like 6894 fucking steps we finally got to the labour ward. Naturally I got the bed where the light was fucked and the CTG machine was one of the really shitty old ones with no screen. If you’ve given birth before you’ll know that Labour Ward is roughly like sitting in an industrial oven. It. Is. HOT. So hot the air actually feels thick and the water they give you ends up tasting like luke warm piss. Luckily I prepared for this and brought my own drinks but even they were hotter than between my thighs an hour in.
After melting for a while the midwife came and talked me through the induction process, explained that it might not work and they may have to try again the following day, meanwhile I was sat there with my mind uttering the word ‘fuck’ over and over again. She tells me I’m already about 2cm dilated but that’s what my lovely community midwife had told me a few days earlier when giving me a stretch and sweep (aka a shit fingering). They stuck what resembled a tampon ‘behind my cervix’ and I was instructed to lie there for 30 minutes and I was allowed to go off on a jolly around the hospital after they got some good lines on my CTG.
After this we went to the little hospital cafe to get food and then we went to the car to eat it because i was boiling and just wanted to get the hell out of there really. I started getting tightenings eating lunch, so within an hour or so of being induced. Massive sigh of relief that it has actually worked and I wasn’t going to be sat on my own in hospital overnight.
We eventually trudged back up and back up after the tightenings started happening every 2 minutes or so. they weren’t that painful but I was slightly concerned at how fast they were coming on and how frequently. Back on the CTG I went and holy shit did the contractions start coming then. 

After what seemed like forever bouncing on birth balls and wandering around a hospital having to stop every minutes or so because the contractions were coming so frequently I didn’t actually get a break between them. I went back and was basically internally freaking out as I had been warned that the stuff they used to induce me can cause the uterus to basically lose its shit and contract too many times. I was 1 contraction per 10 minutes off needing to have it removed and they were getting so painful and happening so quickly I started to lose my shit a bit. Not complete, melt down type losing of shit. More like a silent ‘fuck my life’ ‘I don’t think I can do this” stage of labour.

I was moved to a delivery room because the heat and intensity of the contractions was sending my anxiety mad and the midwife must have felt sorry for me haha. Anyway, the delivery room was like heaven compared to the ward and by this time I literally couldn’t give a fuck about anything I just wanted this baby out. I was strapped to monitors most of the time because Lily was IUGR so needed to be kept an eye on and I remember all I wanted to do was get off this fucking bed and into a birthing pool. I was told I could stay in it until I was in active labour (that part killed me because after a good 6 hours of contractions ever 2 or so minutes I had progressed 1 shitty little centimetre) and I was willing to try fucking anything to stop the pain. I even asked for an epidural but because I wasn’t in active labour (fml) i wasn’t allowed. The sensor things kept losing her heartbeat every time she moved and the midwife wasn’t happy with the trace and bless her, she stood for ages holding the bloody thing against my bump to desperately try and get a decent trace so I could get into the pool she was running. It was decided then that if I hadn’t progressed any more soon then I would have my waters broken and the dreaded drip.

Fuck knows how long later and still no decent trace and i had been in every position possible and it just wasn’t happening. The pain at this point was near unbearable and any moment now I was going to completely lose control and every ounce of a shit I had. My lovely midwife suggested a TENS machine, well, half a TENS machine. They only had one shitty one that only had the bottom pads but it helped for about half an hour before I had it on the highest electrocution setting and it wasn’t even touching the pain. Meanwhile, still no decent trace. I turned over in a half arsed attempt to find the heartbeat again and ended up throwing up in my hair instead. Also in a bowl. Managed to not chuck up everywhere which was a bonus. Props to me there I guess. Also props to my wonderful. amazing, Ben who took the sick bowl off me and also removed the puke from my fringe.

While this was all happening I began to feel baby’s head move, it felt almost like she was slow motion trying to shoot out of a canon (canon being my vagina). It felt like I needed to push but because I was only 3cm about half and hour earlier I thought I was imagining things. I told the midwife and she agreed to examine me again so off she went to get some gloves and she told me if I felt like I needed to push just go with and see what happens. Now, because my pregnancy was high risk because of baby being IUGR it had been agreed, weeks back with my consultant, that once I was in active labour the room would basically be swarming with doctors and paediatricians so my midwife also called for them too.

It was such a strange feeling, with Eloise the first pushes felt involuntary and more like spasms but with Lily I felt like I was more in control. Whether that was because they weren’t as surprising the second time around, I don’t know. Anyway, I pushed. Not a lot happened apart from me thinking I’d end up shitting myself or something. Midwife was still getting her stuff sorted to examine me encouraging me to keep pushing just to see if it got me somewhere. Second push I felt my waters go, now my midwife was moving a bit faster. Third push and out came her head followed by the rest of her just as she had got her second glove on and she just about caught (yes, caught) baby as she flew into the world. Ben cut the cord and the brigade of doctors arrived shortly after and my midwife announced “she’s had it!” which was followed my a lot of shocked faces. Baby was checked over and everything was fine! Panic over! I felt like I could finally breathe after just under 9 months of worrying and the last 8 weeks of “she could be born at any minute. The twice weekly CTGs, the bleed, the hematoma, the weekly scans and countless AAU visits in between, the steroid injections, the reduced movements, the increased movements, finally it was over and my baby was here! And she was healthy!

Lily Rose was born at 17:29, at 38+2w, weighing 5lbs 7.5oz, on a chilly afternoon in January.

One minute the second stage of my labour was according to my notes. ONE FREAKING MINUTE. I went from 3cm to baby shooting out in less than an hour.

I whipped my top off for some skin to skin and to breastfeed her for the first time. She didn’t take to it quite a quickly as Eloise (who still had problems), she struggled to latch a lot more and I panicked a bit at first because I was expecting her to latch better than she did (she still has a terrible latch thanks to a lip tie). Proud Daddy (who I couldn’t have done it without, sarcastic, annoying jokes and all) then held her whilst I birthed the placenta (which actually came out this time! woo hoo).

Despite this being my second labour I felt like I coped with the pain better the first time. Whether being blissfully ignorant/5 years younger helped me last time I don’t know but fuck me was it painful! I swore blind that she would be the last one because absolutely sod even contemplating a third baby after that! Fast forward 15 months and I’ve forgotten completely how painful it actually was and we are planning on another one at least.

I hope you enjoy the vlog/watching me in the most pain I’ve ever felt in my life and have a good chuckle and me looking like dog shite on toast. You’re welcome.

Read about my pregnancy here: First Trimester| Second Trimester

8 comments so far.

8 responses to “Birth Story // My Rainbow Baby”

  1. I love birth stories so much. I totally feel you on the pain thing. Ibwas seriously contemplating an only child but now a year on I'm kind can i have another one now please!!!

  2. Devon Mama says:

    Wow, how amazing is that to only have 1 minute!! Although I bet it was ridiculously frustrating at the time. I actually really enjoyed the pushing phase, it felt like I could achieve something rather than just sitting there! Thanks for sharing, I love stories like this x

  3. That video is lovely – I really wish I'd filmed after Harrison and been born, it's something you'll always have to look back on! One minute is absolutely mental though!

  4. Love a good birth story! I am addicted to them. That video is lovely. You seem super chilled xx

  5. Gee Gardner says:

    I was definitely not chilled haha! Literally internally losing my shit near the end!

  6. Gee Gardner says:

    Beats my first labour where I was pushing for nearly 2 hours! I would have liked to have experienced the second stage for a bit longer with Lily to be honest because it all happened so fast! x

  7. Gee Gardner says:

    I was so close to losing my shit pain wise then all of a sudden she was here! It was absolutely crazy! x

  8. Gee Gardner says:

    I swore no more after Lily due to the sheer amount of pain but I'm here 18 months later and I was another NOW! haha! x

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