If you follow me on twitter you’ll know that lately I’ve had some issues with bullies online and have spent that last week or so trying to keep my head above water, practising self care and trying not relapse again. I try damned hard to be as transparent as I can be online, especially with my mental health problems in the past and also the present. I talk about the shitty days as well as the good and voice my struggles without the sugar coated rainbow sprinkles so I (hope) can help other Mums, women, people in general see that they are not alone and that really, no one has their shit together, some people are just better at coating themselves with a thick layer of bullshit. Unfortunately, there will always be the bullies that see that as a weakness and attack you for it and sadly, this is what I have experienced lately.
This blog post isn’t going to be about the shit I’ve had flung at me by Internet dickheads but about self care and how to get rid of the smell of their colossal farts of negativity.
1. Distance yourself from any and all negative farts. Block, unfollow, delete, leave, throw their number in the ocean, quit your job if you have to, whatever. I felt like I couldn’t do this for an awfully long time because I was afraid of offending people but you know what? Fuck them.You do not owe anything to people who thrive from affecting others mental health. Do what you gotta do and don’t feel bad about it. Family members, facebookers, friends, bloggers, exes, Internet dickheads; you owe nothing to any one them if they are hurting your health.
2. Search through a fuck tonne of quotes, memes, self care quotes, anything positive or enlightening. Even cat videos (always cat videos). Whenever I feel crappy I always do this and it has a pretty high success rate in boosting my mood even if just for a short while. Here are a few of my favourite quotes that are helping me get through current shit:
“The common mistake that bullies make is assuming that because someone is nice that he or she is weak. Those traits have nothing to do with each other. In fact, it takes considerable strength and character to be a good person.” – Mary Williams
“Don’t forget that you’re human. It’s okay to have a melt down. Just don’t unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where you are headed”
“An adult bully tries to avoid responsibility for their own bad behaviour by blaming the target for causing it.” – facebook.com/antibullyingresources
“If someone treats you like shit, just remember that there is something wrong with them, not you. Normal people don’t go around destroying other human beings”
3. Nothing says self care more than having a bath with all the bath bombs and bubble bars, light all the expensive candles you’ve been “saving for special occasions” because life is a special occasion. Slather your hair in a mask and use all of your beauty products ever. Shave your legs with actual shaving gel for once, shave a heart into your pubes! Exfoliate every inch of yourself and moisturise every majestic curve of your badass body. Go all out with the pampering because you fucking deserve to be pampered like the mother fucking royalty you are.
4. Listen to your body. It’s easy to forget about our physical needs when our minds are hurting but it is so important to keep hydrated and energy levels stable. When I’m feeling shitty the last thing I want to do is eat and I end up paying for it with a hypo later on. If you cant remind yourself, ask someone else to remind you or set alarms on your phone. I have a habit of trying to do everything at once to try and fend off panic attacks and other intrusive thoughts and for the most part it helps but it causes me to neglect my physical self because sometimes its difficult to know know when to stop.
I have always been told by doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, counsellors, etc (I still don’t know the different between all of them) that panic causes adrenaline surges and if that adrenaline is left there it makes us feel more anxious and irritable and so the cycle continues. The best cause of action is to be active. This is hard if you have a chronic illness, like me, because while being physical reduces the adrenaline in your system it also increases pain levels.
I suffer with severe anxiety to the extent that having panic attacks on loop every day wouldn’t be strange for me. I have adrenaline surges with most thoughts I have and it is fucking exhausting alone and I feel like I would need to be running a marathon constantly to work off all of the adrenaline my body produces most of the time but even something simple like punching a pillow will dispel some of it and every little helps right?
5. Don’t stop doing what you love. Bullies love to isolate people, they will try to follow you everywhere they can and try and intimidate you, insult you, and generally try their absolute best to push you out of whatever they are jealous of. It’s easy to fall into the trap of giving up. I have two words of advice when dealing with people this and that is: “fuck them”. Fuck them side ways, front ways, from above and below because they don’t know how to function without making at least one persons life miserable and that’s a pretty shitty way to live. I know that’s easier said than done when you feel like every turn you make they’re there waiting to kick you square in the nuts but just remember, “anybody trying to drag you down, is already below you”. Plus, they will get bored eventually and move on to some other poor bastard.
6. Allow yourself time to heal. This one is probably one of the most important for self care. More often than not we feel pressured into not letting people see something is affecting us and we bottle it all up only for it to come out all at once at a later date. Allow yourself to feel the emotions, allow yourself to validate what you have been through and how it has affected you. Allow yourself to feel and know that it is okay to have emotions. You are not weak for feeling or admitting that you HAVE suffered by the hands of another. Don’t let them gas light you either. I passed it off as me being sensitive for ages, questioned myself over everything and it took the police looking through a bunch of evidence and saying that this woman WAS targeting me for me to believe that actually no, I wasn’t being “too sensitive”.
7. Laugh! Laugh at the negative farts and the breath from your laughter with blow them away with any luck.
8. Know that you are not alone and know that if you ever find yourself feeling like you are, there will always be somebody waiting to lend an ear. My inbox is always, always open.
“Don’t do that. Don’t tell me I’m not trying to swim through 12 oceans and drowned in every single one of them. But each time the water seeped into my lungs and the fishes started swimming in my bloodstream, I spat it all up and continued swimming. I am not a life raft. I will not pop in the middle of the ocean. I am a fucking ship and I promise you I will make it to shore ALIVE.”
-My quote wall, originally from Tumblr