One thing that really bothers me about the parenting world is the judging. 11/10 you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t, with whatever you end up doing, but the one thing I just can’t get on board with are the feeding related hashtags. More specifically #fedisbest and #breastisbest. I’ve seen mothers rip each other apart online over these fucking things and really, what good does that do anyone?
I have never seen a good outcome when either hashtag is used and it makes me die a little inside whenever an argument sparks for the billionth time and different people doing different things with their different lives and different babies start throwing either hashtag at each other like it’s going to win them the parenting crown. Just stop! For the love of milk from every species on the planet, please just stop.
It should be something like #DoWhatIsBestForYourFamilyAndFuckEveryoneElse but that eats too much into Twitters character limit.
When I first saw came across the #FedIsBest hashtag I must admit I thought oh good, something I can get on board with but after a little research leading me to discover the foundation behind the hashtag my thoughts changed. They seem incredibly one sided and some of the “advice” they throw out is actually pretty damn dangerous and all they do as a company is create more and more of a wedge between everyone. If the hashtag wasn’t anything to do with them, I could totally get on board with it but after finding out what was else is behind the hashtag, I just can’t.
That doesn’t mean to say I’m against the initial thought most people have with #FedIsBest because I’m not. I think that a baby being fed however works for that baby and that family unit is best, just throwing that out there. I honestly couldn’t give a shiny shite how somebody else chooses to feed their baby, you can feed your kid the milk of a unicorn and it wouldn’t matter to me because that’s none of my fucking business.
The #BreastIsBest is also a pile of shite. Breast isn’t best it’s just the biological norm. The baseline. Breastfeeding doesn’t make you a better parent, it doesn’t cover your child in special sparkles and flags that say “I’m better than you” it’s just what nature intended. Nothing more nothing less.
Just because it is what nature intended, looking from a purely scientific and biological standpoint, we can’t forget that just because human breast milk is made to feed human babies, doesn’t automatically mean that everyone is able to, because they’re not. Whether that be for a physical reason or an emotional one, lack of support or whatever else, without formula, the baby who’s Mum doesn’t have access to breast milk, would die. So to judge another Mum for formula feeding because she can’t breastfeed is like judging her for keeping her baby alive. Same deal for judging a Mum for breastfeeding her baby in the M&S Cafe. Stupid right?
There does need to be a shit tonne more support though, one thing I’ve noticed about breastfeeding is that everyone is told how easy and wonderful it is and how it doesn’t hurt one bit etc etc. Well they’re all fucking liars. It is exhausting and bloody HARD, but so is getting up every 4 hours at night to make up a bottle of formula, pumping for hours upon hours or dealing with tubes. Being a parent in general is fucking hard. We all have different battles, that’s just the way life is, but playing parenting top trumps and dragging each other down is a bullshit way to be.
More specialist support is needed for Mums who do want to breastfeed and by that I don’t mean midwives who come in and just plonk your tit back in the baby’s mouth and then shimmy off again. I mean on site one to one, specialist care available 24/7 for all new Mums, if and when they need it.
Better bottle feeding care and advice is needed too and not just a poxy leaflet half arse telling you out of date sterilising advice.
I also think formula companies should start concentrating less on how pretty their adverts look and lower the cost of formula itself because a tenner plus a tub is fucking crazy. Having a baby is expensive enough without having to worry about forking out that much just to keep your kid alive.
Both of these hashtags have been created by companies to cause a divide in mothers so they can benefit from the bullshit because honestly, who really gives a fuck? Who really thinks one mothers choices are better than another? Without the internet, would you give as much of a fuck? I doubt it. Everyone has their reasons and if we took 3 seconds to fucking consider that before ripping into each other perhaps we wouldn’t all be at each others throats quite so much.
If something works for you then that’s all that matters. You don’t owe anybody an explanation, whether that be a midwife, friend, random internet stranger from a Mum group on Facebook, the Queen, whoever. Fuck them all along with #FedIsBest and #BreastIsBest, all the way to the very far side of fuck because: