One thing I’ve noticed since becoming a parent and being human and alive in general is that everyone is so fixated on having their shit together 100% of the time. If we stumble we feel less than.
Social media opens up a whole new world of expectations and unreachable goals and people covering their lives with a filter of sugary bullshit but the reality is, we all have shitty days, we all struggle and we have all contemplated shutting ourselves in a cupboard for the rest of eternity just to hide from the sound of “The Finger Family” and the endless filth kids seem to distribute wherever they touch.
We all need to stop comparing our reality to somebody else’s highlight reel. No ones house is THAT tidy 100% of the time and lets not pretend our kids aren’t feral for at least 50% of the week. We all have to wipe someone else’s shitty arse at least once a day so to the people who think that owning a keyboard gives you the right to pass judgement –
I can take my toddler to a pub or a restaurant, I can get my tit out whilst I’m there and feed my 1 month old, 1 year old, 2+ year old there whilst I’m at it if I damn well want to!
I can feed my baby jars and pouches or pick fruit from my organic garden and liquidise them with my feet if I so wish.
I can chop up sticks of cucumber and shit (not literal shit) and do baby led weaning if that’s what I fancy.
I can choose to boob or bottle feed from the get go because neither determines my worth as a parent.
I can give a dummy, a comforter, fuck it, I can give them both if that’s what my baby needs.
I can give my toddler a Milkybar for pudding and a chicken nugget every now and again without it being appropriate for a random to shove their “opinion” (read judgement) down my throat. FYI a Happy Meal never killed anyone.
I can babywear or push my kid in a pushchair. Hell! I can do both if I want (at the same time).
I can spend a fiver on a second hand pushchair or £1000 on a Bugaboo with bells on because that’s my decision.
I can push my baby out through my fanny without pain relief, I can have ALL THE DRUGS or opt for a sunroof jobby because the way you birth your baby doesn’t mean diddly squat on the “who’s a better parent scale” because the scale is more full of bullshit than a cattle field during mating season.
I can go to baby groups or I can stay at home.
I can choose to embrace my post baby body or I can spend my spare time in the gym.
I can let my kid play video games on the Xbox/Playstation/Nintendo/iPad/whatever because why the fuck does it matter?
I can send my baby to nursery and go back to work if I feel like that is the best option for me or I can leave work and be a stay at home Mum until the cows come home (or the kids pack up and leave in 18 years time).
I can send my baby to nursery just so I can lie in my pants in silence for a few hours if I really want to.
I can co sleep, I can sleep train, I can skip the sleep training, I can bed share or I can put my baby in a cot because last time I checked, it was actually me who pushed that slightly sticky, milk scented creature out of my vagina and not you, random judgy cockwomble shit gibbon.
I can choose to share my kids photos online or I can keep them private because that’s MY decision. Sharing photos doesn’t mean you’re “not protecting your kids” and not sharing won’t doom your blog or social media. Share or don’t share. Do what you gotta do.
I can home educate, I can send my kid to private school or public school without the need for people to pass judgement the same way they pass a turd.
I can feed my kid meat or meat substitutes or go the whole hog (sorry) and raise them vegan.
I can drive my kid to school or I can hop on one leg the whole way there.
I can set up a Pinterest worthy sensory table with fibre optic lights and tulle or stick Peppa Pig on the iPad so I can go for a piss in peace or drink that luke warm coffee I put in the sun over an hour ago so it didn’t go colder that a snowman’s bollocks.
Here’s the thing, if you have a shitty “opinion” that is offensive and/or unwelcome (which is 100% of ALL THE TIME), your finger can do this amazing thing called SCROLLING THE FUCK PAST. This may come as a shock for some people but, you don’t need to comment or write a shitty message. It’s not compulsory to be a dick. I know right!?
The internet is the biggest shit storm of shittiness and people seem to get the words “opinion” and “arsehole” mixed up and pass being a complete and utter twat to someone as a “debate” – FYI not the same thing.
Why is it that people think they are just so damn entitled to tell other what they should and shouldn’t do with their own damn child? Just fuck off! Owning a keyboard doesn’t mean you have to spend your evenings fishing out people to be a dick to just to make you feel better about your own shittiness, so again – fuck off. Making someone else feel shit won’t make you feel any better.
We are all different parents doing different things for our different families and different children and what works for one family might not work for you and visa versa and that’s absolutely fine! What’s not fine is when people feel the need to step into douche bag territory and judge another parent. Being a parent is fucking hard, I think we can all agree on that whether you want to admit it or not and I think the majority of us are far to hard on ourselves anyway. We are all human and we are all have our own struggles. We are different people with actual feelings and thing none of us need is one miserable fucker with a keyboard, shitting through their fingertips and judging our every fucking move whilst spewing their negativity left right and centre. So if you’re wearing your judgy pants? Do us all a favour and fucking burn them.
We are all in this wayward journey together and we should be empowering each other instead of tearing each other down at any given opportunity. We are all fabulous in our own way! Some days we will absolutely smash it like a badass and other days we will fuck up and we should be there, side by side to prop each other up and celebrate our achievements – TOGETHER.
We are Mums, Dads, Mums and Dads, Mums and Mums, Dads and Dads, Step Mums, Step Dads. Parents; we are all just flawed, fragile yet fiercely strong humans with human babies driven by love trying to do our best for our family.
So before you open your mouth (or keyboard asshole aka your fingertips) again to judge another parent, just remember that you are not them, they are not you, their kids are not yours and kindly – shhhh.