October 19, 2017


After being told I had a haematoma I got back from the scan, panic googled everything and spent the next 6 weeks on bed rest so my body could concentrate on fixing it. Between that and general tension in the house I just spent most of my time feeling sick and exhausted as hell in our “bedroom” which was half of a living room with a sheet hung up in between. Not the most ideal situation.

I had my midwife booking appointment super late because of having to move doctors and general admin fuck ups so I was about 13 weeks by the time it came around. I remember being pretty terrified in case I ended up hating the midwife or threw up in the middle of the children’s centre or something as my morning sickness was pretty intense by this point. I lived off cheese and crackers, Tic Tacs, fizzy elderflower water and Doritos.

We had our 12 week scan a bit late, I was actually more like 14 weeks. This was the day, we didn’t need to know the dating really because we had only had a scan a few weeks prior but I desperately wanted to know if the haematoma had at least shrunk. I went in armed with a sample of piss to be told they can’t use it and I’ve have to do another one. Super fucking fun that was, why do they give you such tiny things to try and piss in!? I can hardly see my fucking feet let alone a tiny sample pot. 100% getting piss on my hands and everywhere else too.

I had a student doing my scan, normally I don’t mind at all but I was terrified and I couldn’t tell if she was trying to scan me or scoop my stomach out like a tub of fucking ice cream. I was actually squeezing Ben’s hand at the point because she was hurting me so much. Anyway, everything was perfect and her and the other sonograher were confident that they couldn’t find the haematoma so it had been absorbed by my body just like I had hoped! Ben felt the first little movements at 15 weeks a few weeks after I felt the first little wriggles. Finally I could relax…not.

My 20 week scan date fell in the same week Eloise started school so it was all levels of manic what with trying to rush back in time to pick her up instead of being able to take her which is what we had originally hoped to be able to do. After many positions and a mid scan toilet break the sonographer finally managed to measure my baby who was apparently playing hide and seek.

At this point everyone was convinced Lily was going to be a boy so naturally she proved everyone wrong and turned out to be a girl. The sonographer also noted that her head was measuring small but assured me it was only slightly under they expected size and not to worry.

We picked Eloise up after her half day at school and told her in the reception. She was the only one who thought the baby was a girl and desperately wanted a sister so she was pretty pleased.

I was considered high risk and was consultant led anyway because I had retained placenta after my first birth and my initial thoughts were it would be a quick appointment with them explaining some measures to help avoid that happening again and that would be that. I was wrong, obviously. I was about 26 weeks I think when I had my first consultant appointment, it was a ridiculous amount of weeks late because I kept having to reschedule for various reasons but I eventually got there.

Everything was okay, they discussed how the risk of having retained placenta again wasn’t significant and to try not to worry. The consultant also mentioned about previous low birth weight, I had been told at the time that there were not really any concerns about Eloise’s weight but apparently not. Anyway, they decided to measure my bump which had not long been measure by my community midwife who found it to be slightly on the small side but I was small anyway so she wasn’t concerned. Turns out I was measuring nearly 6 weeks behind and this is where the fun started. From now on I would practically live at the hospital.

Shortly after my 20 week scan Eloise came down with a really bad virus which after being blue lighted to hospital in an ambulance was eventually diagnosed as measles. I had to have two blood tests to check if I was immune. Normally you’d only need the one blood test to determine this but naturally the first was inconclusive so I had to have it done again. Eventually, after being quarantined for nearly 2 weeks, school getting pissy and battling with constant high temperatures, vomit, sore throats and coughs along with a saliva sample sent off to the Virus Reference Department it was found that Eloise didn’t have measles at all and had been misdiagnosed.

Despite several fuck ups the second trimester was easier than the first in terms of pure terror. I remember hitting the 24 week milestone of viability and breathing a sigh of relief for all of 10 minutes. For me the second trimester was the calm before the storm.

Read about my first trimester here and Lily’s birth story and video here.


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