If you are the owner of a toddler, or have been within a 12 mile radius of a one then you will probably know that there are a lot of seemly innocent things you had no idea could piss another human off to such a high degree.
In the adult world, you can piss someone off by stealing their food, not replacing the bog roll, poking them in the eye or entering into general dickheadishness, but in toddler world, the wrong coloured cup can set off a lengthy momentum of fuckery and completely ruin someones day.
I have been a Mum for nearly 8 years and over that time I have probably fucked off my kids approximately several thousand times, but here are a collection of things I have done recently that have fucked Lily off:
// I wouldn’t let her eat my packet of Revels like a dog.
// I sat down.
// I stood up.
// I asked her Dad a question.
// She was hungry but then didn’t want her food.
// I wouldn’t let her play with used sanitary towels.
// I gave her block back to her.
// I wouldn’t let her stick her head in the toilet bowl.
// She bit me.
// I wouldn’t let her carry on eating the clump of mud and/or actual shit that she has picked off the cats paw.
// I wouldn’t let her touch the scalding hot oven.
// She hurt me so I said ouch.
// She hurt her Dad so he said ouch.
// I stopped her from exposing both tits in the middle of Morrisons.
// I wouldn’t let her sit on my knee whilst I was having a shit.
Here are some things that have pissed other bloggers toddlers off:
// Broken bread sticks. Every time. Both my daughter and now my son are epically outraged if I offer them a bread stick in two pieces! – Jodie @Maidenhead Mum
// I wouldn’t let our one year old go for a walk with the dog at 2am in the rain. What a mean mum! After twenty minutes of shouting ‘walk’ and the dogs name, we had the mother of all meltdowns! – Hayley @Devon Mama
// Mine regularly has a melt down on the kitchen floor because I won’t let him go through the kitchen bin! – Lylia @Lylia Rose
// My little girl got angry at me while shopping in Sainsbury’s and shouted at me saying that she wanted to go to Asda not Sainsbury’s. – Emma @Devon Mum
// My toddler gets annoyed if i take the banana out of the banana skin. – Amelia @Amelia Salmon
// My daughter strops (big time!) because I wont let her splash in the cat water…or put her toes in the cat food. – Simone @Married To A Geek
// My daughter, then aged 3, cried for four hours because a sheep looked at her as we drove past a field one day. – Laura @Five Little Doves
// My son once had a 30 minute screaming fit because his ice cream was “too cold”. – Katy @Hot Pink Wellingtons
// My 2 year old daughter was very mad with me because it was my birthday, not hers! – Emma @Free From Farmhouse
// My toddler threw a massive strop because he didn’t want to drink the milk I gave him because there was a shark in it. – Gareth @Daddy Giraffe
// Ava had a full on meltdown because I didn’t think it was appropriate for her to lick a rubbish bin! – Amy @Mama Mighalls
// My son when a toddler used to throw an absolute fit if his elder sister dare look out of his window while we were in the car! The world was quite literally ending! He would scream loud enough for the space station to hear him, and then hurl a hot wheels car at her! How a window didn’t get broken, or my daughter end up with a black eye, or me with a perforated ear drum I’ll never know!! – Nathalie @The Intolerant Gourmand
// I’m hated daily because I won’t let her drink from the dogs water bowl. – Stevie @But First, Tea
// Cutlery was too cold. I’m serious. – Clare @Wild Mama – Wile Tribe
// Bethie was really annoyed the other day that I had taken my friends little boys potty off her and wouldn’t let her play in his wee! – Cheryl @Mummy Of 5 Miracles
// The 2 best from my daughter were once in *popular coffee chain* (cafe Nero lol) I bought her a chocolate coin and she threw her self to floor because it was too big. Yes. Too big. But the absolute best was when she freaked the *^%* out because her shadow wouldn’t stop following her Aleena @Mummy Mama Mum
// My daughter hates it when I stop at traffic lights. – Robyn @Catching Up With The Clarkes
Basically, anything appears to have the potential to fuck a toddler off. They should come with an “approach with cation” sticker to warn people of the very high risk of tantrums and general stroppiness. Who knew you could totally fuck someone’s day up by giving them the wrong cup?
What have you done to piss your toddlers off? Points for the most bizarre reason!