After seeing to my therapist not long ago, we spoke about challenging my anxiety and what I would really like to be able to do with my life. A question I have been asked, many, many times before. Me being me, answered with “normal people things”, because for the most part, I just want to be able to go to the shops on my own or eat whatever I want, that kind of thing. You know, to not be petrified of living and life in general. Nothing particularly exciting to most people. But after having a little while to really think about what I actually want my life to be like, the things I really wanted to be able to do and what I want to challenge myself to do, I have been setting myself little (or big) goals to complete. These have been both anxiety based goals and/or things I’ve wanted to do for a while, but have been too afraid of doing for x, y or z reason or just random things that lift my mood, make me a happier version of myself or things that are centred around self care (because I have a habit of sucking majorly in that department).
I have been setting these goals mentally up until now but I thought it might be quite a nice idea to blog about it and make it into a little monthly post in the hope it will help motivate me to actually fucking do the things.
Okay, here is goes:
Take more photos – This may seem like a shock really to people who know me because I take a LOT of photos but these days, although a lot are with my DSLRs they are primarily blog photos and mainly flat lays. I want to set myself a goal of actively going somewhere to take photographs of things that are interesting to me and aesthetically pleasing without being surrounded by flowers, ribbon and other props.
Be more active – Now I would have put lose some weight, being ill for over a month knocked a good few pounds off and I’m now under a stone off my pre pregnancy weight but I know that if I set myself a goal of losing weight I will just be a dick about it and end up being triggered to fuck so instead I have challenged myself to try and stick to a simple, short workout this month.
I used to be a very active person, I used to dance and ride my horses for hours and hours everyday. Since having kids my free time has obviously gone from 24/7 to approximately 3.6 seconds but not only that, I have been too afraid of letting myself get back into exercise purely because of the fear of being triggered.
The lovely Jen from Life Milk sent me the workout that she has been doing and I’m going to give it a whirl. I may have to reduce the amount and intensity a bit depending on how my chronically shit body takes it but here’s to being positive about it not giving up the ghost too quickly.
Buy more flowers – I love having fresh flowers around the house, not only do they make for beautiful flat lays but just having them dotted about the place makes me so happy. I have quite a lot of plants around the place too and I just think every home looks that little bit more lovely with bits of greenery scattered about.
Go vegan for one day a week – I know this doesn’t sound like much of a challenge because I already eat 99% vegetarian foods but everyone else in the house wouldn’t cope with vegan meals longer than that. I wanted to challenge myself to a week but I reckon that would be too much of a ball ache cooking a billion different things everyday and buying extra things. I make accidental vegan meals a lot so I think actively making one day a week totally vegan I can test it out and see how doable it would be for everyone.
Challenge my anxiety – This is one I set myself every month and I slack on it a lot so I’ve decided to be more specific with what I want to challenge to make it less easy for me to wriggle out of or “forget”. I know these will make me anxious just setting myself the challenges so I’m going to keep it short to start with:
1) Go to a fireworks display – This is something I’ve never actually done but have always wanted to do. The crowds put me off and also the irrational fear of getting hit in the face with a firework and all 3489574 of the other worse case scenarios that my brain thinks up. The kids will love it so I really want to just fucking do it. So that’s my first challenge.
2) Buy and eat a sandwich from a shop – Random as fuck to most people I imagine. I have had a total of 3 ready made sandwiches in my life, once when I was 7, once when I was in college and once when I was in hospital having Lily. I always look at them in shops and wish I could have one without the OCD/ED voices telling me I can’t, so they can fuck off for the duration of this challenge.
3) Go to a coffee shop and actually drink it there – I never, ever, ever sit in coffee shops because I have an irrational fear of consuming just about anything public, at all, ever. I’ve sat outside before which is doable for me. Sometimes. This has been on my list forever now and it’s still not happened but I’m keeping it on here until it’s done… Could be here a while.
Wash my fucking make up brushes – I used to be really on the ball with make up brush cleanliness but since becoming a Mum of 2, I suddenly have 0 time to do anything really and things that are “me” things get pushed right down the to-do list. I had conjunctivitis the other week and have been avoiding using certain brushes so I don’t need to clean them and really, they need fucking cleaning. This one is more of a digital kick up the arse.
Right, so that’s this months goals! Now to actually do them…
See my other goals here.